Cruzifites,
As is well known, I am intimidated by black men.
Pictured: My Nightmare
Particularly, President Barack Hussein Obama. His name sounds foreign, and as you all know, I am the Canadian-born son of a Cuban immigrant who fought for Castro, and consequently, cannot abide anything that is not Red, White, and Blue American through and through.
What many of you may not know, is that I am also intimidated by the moon. Let's not mince words. I'm terrified of it.
Pictured: My Other Nightmare
This is why I, in my official capacity as Chairman of the Subcommittee on Space, Science, and Competitiveness, recently instructed NASA to stop watching the Earth, and watch that perfidious, liberal orb.
Now you may ask, "Ted, how do you know the moon is liberal?" A perfectly reasonable question, my fellow free-market enthusiast, and for a purse of silver coins, I would reply, "Ayn Rand whispers in the darkness of my mind."
Taken from: the sexyness of Ayn Rand (that's not even a joke)
But I would also point out that the moon doesn't even have the decency to charge for its light, which means it is simply a pinko, communist ploy by President Obama to provide free light to bribe the underprivileged to vote Blue.
That being said, join me in telling NASA, to stop regulating space and science and stuff. After all, what could possibly go wrong letting spaceships be built by the lowest bidder?
Keep Cruzin', America. And remember, like Somalia at the height of its piracy epidemic, Mars is an Objectivist paradise.
It doesn't even have an environment, let alone an EPA.